Before the venue is booked, before the dress is tried on, before a single vendor is contacted, there’s the proposal. And if you’re reading this, you’re probably the one doing the planning. This post is for you.
We photograph proposals regularly, and we’ve seen everything go beautifully, hilariously wrong, and somewhere in between. Here’s what we wish every proposer knew before the big moment.
Hiding is harder than you think
The most common proposal setup we work with is the hidden photographer. You go about your day as normal, we lurk nearby with our cameras, and nobody’s the wiser. In theory.
In practice? We’ve hidden behind a two-tree “forest” in an open field in January, leaving footprints in the snow. We’ve crouched behind a bush on the side of a private Airbnb while the couple was literally steps away. We’ve sprinted up a mountain because the couple arrived early and we were right behind them the whole time.
One of us was peering around the corner of a house in dead silence, hyperventilating, while texting turned to waiting and waiting turned to “just trust yourself.” It works out. It almost always works out. But it helps enormously if you set your photographer up for success.
Before you book the location, look at photos of it. Specifically the outside. If you’re doing an Airbnb proposal, scope it out beforehand if you can. A “beautiful private deck” might mean three separate decks with no obvious hiding spots, or it might mean a wide open field with two skinny trees. We’re resourceful, but we’re not invisible.
Stay on one knee longer than you think you need to
This is probably our single most repeated piece of advice, and it still gets forgotten in the moment.
When you get down on that knee, stay there. Two minutes minimum. Three is better. It feels like forever when you’re nervous, but from behind a camera it feels like seconds.
Here’s why it matters: we need wide shots, tight shots, your face, her face, the ring, the moment she realizes what’s happening. None of that is possible if you’re back on your feet before we’ve moved twice.
We photographed a proposal at Green Lakes where he was up almost immediately. The photos still turned out beautifully, but we didn’t get his face the way we wanted to, especially for video. Compare that to a New York City proposal where he stayed down long enough that she eventually pulled him up herself, overwhelmed with excitement. That footage was magic.
The nervousness is real, and it will make time feel completely different than it actually is. That’s exactly why we tell you beforehand. Even if you think you’ve been down there long enough, you probably haven’t.
Change of plans? Tell your photographer before, not during
We get it. Things shift. Maybe the dock feels too exposed, or the weather changed the vibe, or you just had a better idea that morning.
But “hey, change of plans, I’m proposing on the upper deck now” when we’re already in position for the lower dock is a very different situation than a conversation the day before. We can adapt to almost anything with enough notice. We cannot adapt to nothing.
Same goes for last-minute arrivals. If you’re running ahead of schedule, slow down. Get coffee. Drive around the block. Text a friend. Do not arrive early.
Don’t be early. Seriously. Be late.
We will say this as many times as it takes: we would rather you be late than early.
We’re there 30 to 45 minutes ahead, sometimes an hour. We’re getting into position, testing angles, hiding gear, and calming ourselves down so that when the moment happens, we’re ready. When you show up early, all of that prep becomes a scramble.
We once had a couple arrive as we were literally parking. We ran up an entire mountain with full camera and lighting gear while they walked at a completely normal pace right in front of us. We made it work, but nobody should have to make that work.
Another time, a guy texted us the night before to say they were “ready.” We read the whole message before realizing he just meant ready for the next day. Please, for the love of all that is romantic, do not text your photographer anything that could read as “we’re on our way.”
Actually, while we’re at it: don’t text us at all unless it’s an emergency. If we’re at a quiet outdoor location and your phone gets a message that reads aloud through Bluetooth, we cannot undo that. Trust that we’re there. We always are.
Get her looking good without tipping her off
Most proposals go straight into an engagement session. You want her to look and feel her best. The trick is making that happen without her putting two and two together.
The move that works: loop in a close friend or sister. Have them take her out beforehand, suggest getting nails done, casually ask what she’s planning to wear. It feels like a normal girls’ day. She shows up glowing and has no idea why.
Just make sure whoever you bring into the plan is actually trustworthy. Late friends, chatty friends, friends who can’t contain excitement? All of them have torpedoed surprises before.
Have a plan for family, if they’re coming
Having family on standby to rush in for the “surprise!” moment is genuinely special. We photographed one proposal in front of the Syracuse University sign where the whole family was watching from a building window and came flooding out the second it happened. That photo is a treasure.
But family on standby only works if they’re already there and hidden before you arrive. The second she sees a familiar car or a recognizable face, it’s over. Get them there early (unlike you, they can be as early as they want) and make sure they know their cue.
Weather: have a plan and be realistic
Rain doesn’t have to ruin a proposal, but ignoring it can. We’ve shot in drizzle, in snow, in cold that made everyone miserable but produced genuinely beautiful photos.
What we haven’t loved: proposals where the person forgot to tell their partner to take off their raincoat, leaving every photo featuring a pulled-up hood and a slightly wet, slightly cold expression. Still sweet. Not exactly the shots they envisioned.
If you’re planning to proceed in questionable weather, think through the details. Does your photographer carry clear umbrellas? Should you get some? If you have family coming from out of town or a date that matters to you, the answer might be “we go no matter what.” Just go in prepared.
If the forecast says thunderstorms, consider an indoor backup plan, at least in theory. Even if you never need it, having one is worth it.
Pick a spot that looks good on camera, not just in person
Green Lakes is gorgeous. It’s one of the most popular proposal spots in Central New York. It’s also, from a photography standpoint, a lighting challenge.
When you’re standing at the water’s edge, you have a bright reflective lake behind you and a dark tree line in front of you. Your photographer needs to expose for one or the other, and in a surprise scenario, flash isn’t an option until after the moment. That means someone often ends up shadowed.
This isn’t a reason to avoid the spot entirely. It’s a reason to listen when your photographer has a location suggestion or wants to adjust where exactly you’re standing. They’ve been there before. They know where the light falls.
Have the “are we on the same page?” conversation first
In all the proposals we’ve photographed, no one has said no. Not once. But that doesn’t mean it’s something to skip thinking about.
The best proposals come from people who have already, at some point, talked about the future together. Not “I’m proposing next Saturday” but “do we want to get married someday?” That conversation makes the surprise a surprise about timing, not about whether you want the same things.
If you’ve been together for years, odds are good you’ve already had this talk. Just make sure the answer was yes before you hire a photographer and book a mountain hike.
Proposals are one of our favorite things to photograph. They’re nerve-wracking, logistically chaotic, and completely wonderful. With a little planning and a willingness to be the last one to arrive, they almost always turn out exactly the way you hoped.
Now go plan something beautiful. And be late.